This Saturday is Red Nose ‘Say Their Name’ day, to raise awareness of pregnancy, infant and child loss and support the bereaved families.

The loss of a child is an incredible tragedy, during which time the support of friends and family is so crucial.

Without ever experiencing such loss, we might be at a loss of how best to do this.

Our instinct may be to give these parents space. We may feel worried we will say the wrong thing so we don’t say anything at all. However, if everyone does this these parents have no one to talk to and end up unintentionally alone and unsupported.

With the help of an incredibly strong friend, who lost their son Alexander 2 years ago, I have come up with 4 things to remember when supporting loved ones during this hard time.

Acknowledge their existence

  • Say their child’s name, ask and listen about them and their birth, look at photographs and videos
  • To acknowledge their grief you have to acknowledge who was lost

Remember them.

  • Celebrate their birthday/due date
  • Talk about your memories of them
  • This grief doesn’t dissipate with time, so nor should their memory

Stay mindful of unintentional triggers.

  • There can be so many of these triggers when friends and family are also in their childbearing years
  • Stay mindful of comments & actions that may be triggering, even well intentioned comments can have the opposite impact.
  • It’s best to send pregnancy announcements by text and don’t include photos (ultrasounds, baby bumps or newborn pictures) unless asked for

Respect their grieving process

  • There is no textbook on how to grieve, everyone does it differently. Parents have to be given the opportunity to grieve in whichever way they best can
  • Understand and respect their decisions throughout this grieving process. If they don’t offer to cuddle your newborn baby or decline an invite to your christening or birthday party, understand that they are keeping themselves safe and respect and support this decision

So this Saturday, and every day, say their name. If you are interested in other ways of how to support bereaved parents please follow this link.  https://rednose.org.au/event/say-their-name-2023